the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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