I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
