I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
