Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
