She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
