she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
