The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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