need another drink. this is the easiest way
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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