Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
