pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I need moral support for this bender
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He better not be in your backpack
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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