yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
