When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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