Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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