So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
