So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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