I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
