her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
