How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize