i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
