Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
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I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
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Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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