i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
