Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
