Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
