just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
