please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
