We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
