So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
