Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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