you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
