can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
where are you?
Hypothermia
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
