i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
