i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
