I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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