Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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