By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
