That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
areolas are like halos for boobs.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
