I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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