I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
