nut hugger
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
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