Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
