he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
