he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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