That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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