so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
