I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
