I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
