you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
