I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
