She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
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his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
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But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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