He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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