i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
