Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
