Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
