He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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