i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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