woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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