i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
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