turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
If I die, sorry about rent.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
