I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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