i just wanna soil my oats bro
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
