No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize