why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
