i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
