nut hugger
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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